luisa kolker shamanic healer


Archive for the ‘Love & Relationship’ Category

My Valentine’s Wish for You

red roses photo by luisa with watermarkI grew up with a lot of misconceptions about love, self-worth and relationships. Did you?

As human beings, we’re always engaged in an inner dialogue about our needs and wants. What do I need? What is negotiable in my friendships, work and intimate relationships, and what is not?

Thanks to the emergence of our understanding about  the dynamics of Codependence about thirty years ago, there’s been a basic, albeit radical, shift in understanding about the underpinnings of our relational templates. We live in a culture that is pathologically detached from the principle of Eros. Carl Jung described Eros as the sensual, relational feminine aspect of our humanness, the part of us that values connection and holds human vulnerability in a place of deep respect. Too often this is a part of us with whom we are not in conscious relationship.

For both women and men, when our Eros function operates in the absence of guidance or conscious relationship, that function becomes impaired and wounded. We vaccillate from acting like a collapsed, wounded child in one moment to acting like a rigid, one-dimensional version of a punitive grown-up in the next. Both of these maladapted responses get us in a heap of trouble.

When I figured out that my isolated, hungry-for-validation little girl was running my adult life, I felt humbled and alarmed. But, not so alarmed that I couldn’t create an archeyptal healing plan for myself, as I was determined to go directly to the root cause level of my repetition of dysfunctional relational patterns. (I share this healing plan in my Transformation workshops.)

The central awakening that came to me (and it’s simple; a lot of you may have cottoned to this decades before I did) was this: What I was looking for outside of me could only manifest to the extent that I had the capacity to give it to myself. Instead of generating self-esteem, I was attempting to fill in my empty emotional spaces by being what Pia Mellody (one of my mentors and teachers) calls being other-esteemed.

It is challenging and sometimes almost  impossible to access the deepest recesses of our ancestral and social conditioning that show up in our everyday lives. This is why shamanic work, and its abililty to bypass habitual ego-consciousness through entraining the brain to a conscious trance state has helped me, and a lot of my clients, to heal at a root-cause level.

So, dear Journeyer, here’s my Valentines Day wish for you this year: To Thine Own Self Be True. pink conversation heart to thine own self be true 2

In Love & Transformation,
Luisa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is Infidelity?

After having explored intimate relationship in many, if not most of its permutations, I have, in my golden years, arrived at a strong definition of infidelity, and it is this: If I say/do/email-something to or with another person that I would not say/do/email in front of my significant other, then I am being unfaithful to the trust between us.
Why do I mention this? Because from time to time I receive private email messages, on Facebook and off, that are sexually or romantically charged. Most of the time, the messages are from people who know that I am in a committed relationship. I find this to be, at best, a misunderstanding of who I am and what I am about. At worst, I find it to be willfully offensive.
Yes, I am spontaneous, friendly, sexually comfortable with who I am and playful, passionate and feisty (with men and women) on Facebook and in my personal life. However, I am not seductive. To me seduction carries with it an agenda and an ulterior motive. Seduction involves secrecy and it usually rides rough-shod over the hearts of emotionally-invested others.
While there are some sacred, private dimensions of my life that are only for me, my partner and a few others, I take pleasure in being transparent in how I share about myself with friends, family, clients, etc.
I am not about secrecy, seduction and emotional/sexual/romantic intrigue. I’ve been there, done that, been burned by that and hurt others with that.
I choose transparency.

Remembering Tulip

Tulip gazing at me; circa 2006.

Tulip gazing at me; circa 2006


Today, February 25th, is the 3rd anniversary of the death of my beloved friend and most loyal companion: my dog Tulip. Tulip first came to me in a dream. I saw her long, sleek, low-rider body and wondered who she was. Three weeks later, at the Santa Fe Animal Shelter, she came up to me and snuffled her snout between my knees, making it more than clear that even if I didn’t yet know she was my doggie, she knew that I was her human. We were to have nine exceptional years together. What follows is an account of her last 24 hours here on earth, written the evening after Tulip died.

February 25, 2010
Yesterday afternoon Tulip was lying on the sofa taking a nap in the afternoon sun. When I looked over at her, I saw something protruding from under her ribcage, so I went over and palpated the area. What I felt alarmed me, so I called her vet. Within half an hour, we were at the vet’s office. As the nurse did the initial examination, she said, “I’m so sorry–Tulip has a big mass in her belly; it feels like it’s on her spleen.”

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